Out of the Woodwork

Finally I have my inspiration back, settled into a routine and am enjoying Motherhood!!!

Adam has been in my life since the 21st of September and what a wonderful experience this is!! He definitely completes me, compliments us and most importantly we love him immensely!! I wouldn't change anything.... he was soo soo worth the wait, the pain, heartache and tears!! He is healing us one day at a time....

Everyone dotes on him, he has a massive extended family of Grannies, Grandpas, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and even an honourary older sister (Lexie)! He is soo soo loved and has just thrived with all the love and attention!

He was blown us out of the water with his charm, love, sense of humour and smiles! I was so worried I wouldn't know how to deal with motherhood that I bought basically every parenting book I saw.... all they did was confuse me as they all contradict each other! But after the first month I have become confident, I rely purely on my instincts (which is incredible, it's as if I just know what he needs & wants).

He sleeps through at night, and on a Sunday he'll sleep in until 8am in the morning instead of his usual 6:30am! Which we appreciate greatly!! We have fallen into his routine so easily, the Orphanage definitely sleep trained him soo well! He rarely cries and naps at least 3 times during the day!

Apart from one or two negative incidents, everyone we have encountered has been soo soo positive.... People can't believe he is adopted and very many people are under the impression he is our biological son!! Which I just love!

We have our final home visit and assessment on Thursday and should have the final adoption order granted before Christmas!!! I can't wait to hear those all important words from the Commissioner "as if born of you"! Making him ours forever!!

Dear Adam

Good morning my dearest little boy!! I think I dreamt about you last night!! I was holding, kissing and snuggling the most delicious little baby, I couldn't see your face but I hope it was you.... I woke up soo soo happy this morning after spending what felt like an eternity in my dream just being with you!!! Was it you my boy?? I pray that you felt me cuddling and loving you last night!! It feels like we've got this bond already... is it possible?

I know I'm in love with a real live person I have never met and your are not just an idea!! You are real and I always worry whether the kind sisters at Mother Teresa's dress you warm enough (especially with it being so cold this week), or if someone holds and cuddles you at least once during the day, I am soo scared you have to lie there all day and the only time you get contact is when your nappy is being changed.....

This tempts me to come and visit you without the Social Worker knowing (I know your birthdate so it should be easy to identify you).... but the thought of it jeopardising us being united forever scares me into not doing it!!

Sorry Mommy is waffling a bit..... but my head just rushes a million thoughts of you a second! You're constantly in my thoughts and prayers!! And I have soo much I want to share with you!!

Daddy is getting really impatient and is finding it hard not to phone Connie & Bridget everyday!! He just wants his little boy with him, he speaks about you soo lovingly, and wantingly!! I don't know how much longer we're going to stay sane ...... we're desperate to look after you, to love you to hold you and to comfort you!!

I think about your Tummy Mummy often, she has done such a wonderful thing, I can't begin to imagine how hard it must have been for her to sign consent, I hope and wish to meet her... After hearing on Saturday what a wonderful experience it was for J&R.... I want to promise her and thank her and hug her and most important of all learn YOUR story from her... and if she agrees ask her for a photo to keep in your memory box!! We plan on being as open as possible about your adoption and telling you YOUR story from day one!!

Mommy must run, got a million and one things to do today at work!!

Love you my little boy and am counting down the hours, minutes & seconds, till you come home to me forever!!!!

P.S. You should see all the beautiful things your Grannies are knitting for you.... they're dying to meet you and ask about you everyday when they phone!! Oooh you're going to be soo spoilt!! You're going to have soo many Aunts and Uncles my little one, soo many people to love you!!!!

Dear Adam

Today you are just 4 weeks old.... Just two more weeks till that horrid HIV PCR and hopefully only 6 weeks away from me being able to hold you forever and never let go!

We pray for you constantly! I wonder what you look like, I fantasise about your baby smell and your soft gorgeous baby skin! I dream of you at night and can't wait to hold you close! I just wish Connie would give us at least a photo of you.... But you're definitely going to be worth the wait and you're already teaching me patience.......

Daddy has finished most of the odds and sods he had to do in your room, I've washed all your clothes, bedding & blankets!! I AM SOO SOO READY for your my darling son.

I pray fervently that your PCR will come out -..... Daddy and I are just waiting for all your court documents to arrive so that we can start filling in your paperwork!! The paperwork with that all important sentence "as if born of you" making you our biological child.....

Forever yours
Mommy
xxx

P.S. The dogs are soo excited and just know that you're on the way!!!

Our Adoption Process Soo Far

So after waiting & waiting & waiting for Child Welfare since February, J & I decided it was time to consider other options as things were just not progressing to our satisfaction.... Now I understand that they're understaffed and badly resourced but the only people suffering are the babies.... Princess Alice has nine babies that were medically cleared for adoption but only 3 get placed cause they don't have enough staff to screen prospective adopters!! THAT IS JUST NOT FAIR!! What's happened to "in the best interest of the child"?? These babies are lying there waiting for families to take them home!

So after a lot of phoning around and us doing our own Adoption Agency screening, the Catholic Women's League (CWL) has won hands down!! With Procare, then ABBA in 2nd & 3rd. J phoned CWL to chat to someone there and they immediately put him through to a Social Worker.... she is fantastic and J knew immediately that she was the social worker for us!! We get on like a house on fire, she understands what we're going through and knows that speed & thoroughness is important to us...... She moves as fast as we do with a guaranteed interview per week, she's given us her cell number in case we need to chat anytime of the day.... Plus our interviews are informal chats over coffee, she knows how to interview without making it feel formal and scary! And laughs and swears just like us.... And has the most amazing sense of humour.

There are 6 - 8 assessments, of which 3 are interviews, 1 psych aassessment & visit, 1 marriage enrich questionnaire, 1 home visit & 1 panel interview!

So we've had our 2nd interview, medicals, HIV tests and now we have another interview next week Wednesday and the Psych assessment on the 8th of June! It's all moving soo smoothly!

And C our SW says if all goes well we should have our son placed with us forever by then end of July/early August..... so we're busy busy preparing the nursery & buying all the hardware!

I've started the Le Leche League breastfeeding protocol for adoptive mothers and my boobies have grown a full cup size in less than a week.... eeekkkk!!!!

So that's us for now!!! Exciting and happy!!!!

Some things and people will never change!!

Ha, can you believe how narrow minded people in this country still are??

Please have a read here and remember to read the comments at the bottom, I am Jvdw!

http://www.parent24.com/Content/Columnists/Guest_columnist/221/f6d608b6b5bc4da6b3b7891fbbe7500e//I_am_his_real_mother

I don't understand why J and I adopting an African Child matters soo much to some people? I assume the last 3 comments where written by the same person!

Can someone please explain to me why they feel soo strongly against it? We're the ones adopting, we're the ones providing the love and care, we're the ones going to be raising our son! Not them... I know I shouldn't let it upset me but the last comment that God doesn't want me to be a mother cause I'm probably a bad parent sent me over the edge!!

Damn infertility just when you think you've come to terms with it.... something like that picks open the newly healed wound again......

What is your opinion dear friends??

Change in Direction

Well after vehemently saying we weren't ready to adopt and that there was no way we'd adopt inter-racially, God has completely other plans for us van der Ws..... we think we know but He knows better...

So now we' re adopting and we' re hoping for a little son preferably a little African son who we are going to name Adam Jacob... I am waiting for Child Welfare to phone us back to set up the Orientation session which eeekkk is only scheduled for the 8th of April ....

Jaco and I had a very weird enlightening experience at Princess Alice last month, and realised that we keep on praying to God for a baby, we keep on suffering these disappointments and losses but somehow we keep on being drawn back to Princess Alice and these beautiful abandoned babies (even during the week, we pop in after work)...

Jaco & I realised that maybe what we thought of as a baby for us and what God thought of as a baby for us was entirely different..... and maybe God wants us to adopt, we both have this calming acceptance and peace that this is what we are meant to do, and the weirdest is where there was resistance to adoption from the family last year there now is none, there is now just acceptance and no one is bothered about the fact that it will be a trans-racial adoption, cause our foster experience taught our family that a baby is a baby is baby.....

We're not going to give up trying for our own and will resume treatment again towards the end of next year (hopefully the tumours in my pituitary gland and kidneys will have shrunk by then making IVF a possibility although the Endocrinologist isn't keen) but for now NO TTC allowed on my current treatment cycle.....

I have confirmed with my company and they have confirmed I am entitled to 3 months paid maternity/adoption leave, they are writing a policy especially for me....

Unfortunately with Jhb Child Welfare you can only register with them and if you were to register with another agency they would stop the process with you! So we' ve got to bite the bullet!!

Oh and no short cuts for us, we' ve got to repeat a whole lot of the screening process we went through for the Foster Care process!! Yup all over again but it' ll be worth it!!!!

Wish us luck!! Our journey is taking a whole new route!!

Urgghh Blah Blah and the Mostest Awesomest Hubby in the World!

First Post in a Long while, been having serious writer's block and missing some motivation!

So I'm having a very down day after a very down weekend and with my AF really bad and seriously painful from the chemical pregnancy and the related hormones! I feel very very depro all over again! My husband has just been wonderful through all of this and when I sarcastically said give me ten reasons why I shouldn't just give up, he seriously did, this is his response to our skype conversation:

"Don't - let's look at facts rather than feelings on a day like today...1. We have fallen pregnant before2. We are managing to ovulate with clomid3. Although things are tight, we have always managed to make a plan before4. A lot of people have had success with falling pregnant a lot older than what we are now5. We are still young; are lives are still ahead of us6. We are doing good every day, whether we have our own children yet or not7. We have only started in terms of the possible things that we can do around infertility... there are still so many other options available to us8. Whether we are pregnant or not; have you stopped to think how much you are doing for and meaning to all the other infertile women out there and on your forums; maybe we are destined to wait a little while longer while you touch and save a few more lives through your support and advise9. God will look after us; He will not give us a challenge we cannot handle; He will not make us hope in vain; He will carry us through it all.10. Our love is stronger than any challenge; every day we are growing closer and stronger in our love; We will overcome and win and have this joy - no matter what - it is just a matter of waiting a little while longer."

When I asked if I could post this on the forum his response was:

"Don't mind; as long as they help you feel a little bit better about this day - and as long as you remember, I love you - we are in this together, you are not alone. "

I am soo soo blessed to have him in my life and I thank God everyday for him but I can't help but feel guilty cause if I was fertile or if he was married to someone else he might have a whole bunch of his own kids running around!! Guess I better get myself off to counselling this week! It feels like it's going to be one of those!!!

I just have to say, Jaco I love you forever and thank you for sticking with me through thick and thin and thank you for giving your family the impression that it's you with the problem not me!!! I love you!!!!!!! And yes you did make me feel better!!!!